Monday, March 8, 2010

'Oscar' should have won an Oscar...

With all apologies to Jason.
I think Oscars are bullshirt. They are not my super bowl. All my favorite movies never win...anything. Did Mortal Kombat 2: The Annihilation win an Oscar for being the sweetest movie of the year in 1997? No. Did Bruce Campbell win an Oscar for most dope preformance as 'Ash' in 1992? No.  Did Charles 'Brawn's Son' Bronson win a lifetime awesome achievement award? Again, the answer in no.
And where Sly Stallone won an Oscar for Rocky...he was snobbed for the  movie,Oscar.
In fact, the ONLY awards that the 1991 movie Oscar was up for, were Razzies.Three of 'em, in fact. For such catagories as Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone), Worst Director (John Landis), and Worst Supporting Actress (Marisa Tomei). Which, in my opinion is pretty harsh...Oscar is actually pretty funny. Just misunderstood.
What I actually can't understand is how Marisa Tomei won a fucking OSCAR just two years later(1993) for the 1992 screen gem My Cousin Vinnie as Best Supporting Actress. I'm pretty sure it was the same part. Seriously, I say...what, what, in the butt? I really wished The Academy woulda waited one more year for Untamed Heart. Now, that...that my friends, was a performance.
Seriously, it's like Sandra Bullock winning in 'Blind Side'... fucking really?
Oscars, you can eat a dick.

Blind Side is galaxy far, far, away from 'MasterClass'

Which brings us to today's new word...
MasterClass is anything gooder than good. How should I explain this?
Oh, I know.
I'm a liar. I will look you dead in the face and say things like, "Rats! Night of Terror is fucking awesome! I love that movie, I can watch it 30 times inna's the BEST!"
Dudes, it's not the best. I mean, it's good. Highly watchable high. But, "The Best" is not. And, as much as I love the movie(cuzz I'm telling ya, even when yer seein' it... you won't believe it), I would actually have a hard time recommending it to perfect strangers.
However, if something is MasterClass, than I can safely say that it is of some redeeming value to even the most discriminating veiwer. (Which, as it turns out...I am not.) It is, in some very real fashion,  the best of the best. The cinematography on 'Prime Cut', for example, is MasterClass. As an example of Kung-Fu at it's outrageous best 'Master of the Flying Guillotine' is (say it with me) MasterClass.

Like, you might say, "Even through 'My Cousin Vinnie' was some bullshit, Marisa Tomei's tits and body in The Wrestler were fucking MasterClass."
-are MasterClass.(In case yer reading this Marisa, I'm single.)

I hope that clears things up.

So let's not talk about The Oscars.
Let's talk about The Sweeties.

Matt 'Master of the MasterClass Segway' DeLight

PS,  I love Untamed Heart


  1. I do love the cinematography in Prime Cut, from the stylistic credits in the beginning, with the whole visual exposition of the meat factory to nailing shots of Chicago in ways rarely done in movies, to the beauty and spaciousness of the sunflower shootout scene. I watched it with headphones and it is a very immersing movie. Very well shot and colored.

  2. I can't believe you told Oscar to eat a dick. I would like to attend some day. Academy take notice, He told you to eat a dick, not me. I would never tell you to eat a dick. Plus, some of m best friends enjoy a dick now and then, so isn't that rude to them? And yes Marissa Tomei is a lovely woman. - Jason (the one who didn't tell the Oscars to eat a dick.)

  3. Matt here,
    maybe i was a bit harsh...maybe.
    And sure, I'd like to go to the Oscars as well. But, I think it's the fly in the face, fly in the ointmint, devil may care attitude that will take me there.
    Hollywood, I'm talking to you. Let's get Kojo off the red carpet. He's a catty bitch that's turned himself monster. N don't say that he hasn't cuzz he has.
    And while The Oscars claim they want younger viewers(seriously, I'm right here Hollywood)...maybe I'm better suited for SXSW or the Caans film festival.
    So movieland, send me some tix....and let's get awesome.
    Cuzz, I'm so tired of working my crappy job.

    Oh, and please note that I did not tell The Oscars to SUCK a dick. I, myself, have actually had my dick sucked. I am an avocate of dick sucking. However, it would bum me out totally if someone ATE my dick.
    Plus, if someone were to eat a dick they would find it filled with cream, and not custard...creams super delicious cousin. So eating, with a fork, knife and the chewing of dicks...not so much.