Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What's with the beard?

Nothing takes me out of the moment faster than a bad beard or mustache. Why would you put a beard on a character that didn't look like they could grow facial hair or didn't grow one that was appropriate to their style. I understand that they can be a useful tool if you're trying to show the
passage of time or just how unkempt somebody is, and that's fine but I think that you should cast somebody that can grow the appropriate scruff or just don’t bother. And if you add the beard, don’t forget the undergrowth, or “neck beard”, no self respecting, hard-drinking, loose cannon cop is gonna shave his neck only. Unless it’s a style choice. In that case the actor better be able to grow a ‘stache or beard. Matt Damon’s mustache in “The Informant!” is a perfect example. I like Matt, a gifted actor, but can’t rock a ‘stache. He doesn’t even look like he has to shave. Fresh faced guys like that just don’t do well with a push broom. And if his character did grow a mustache, I think he would trim it better. The guy drives a Porsche and a Lamborghini. It would have been better to go sans flavor saver.

Fake beards are tough enough and now we have Hi-Def. We can see a bad beard a mile away. Note to Spielberg, next time you are erasing the guns out a film, check for bad beards.  These days, Hollywood is having a hard enough time turning out a movie worth watching, why make it harder. I know it may seem knit-picky, but dammit, don’t we deserve more for our 10-20 dollar movie ticket?

Here is a cheat sheet for Hollywood.

Actors who can wear facial hair: Jack Black, Zack Galifianakis, Chuck Norris, Daniel Day Lewis, Glenn Close.

Actors who should not: Matt Damon, Matthew Fox, Brad Pitt, Corey Feldman, Jake Gyllenhaal.

Van Dykes, Goatees, Mullets, long hair in general, groomed stubble, sideburns, Handlebars, and Fu Manchus are okay on certain character parts upon review, but rarely acceptable. Please help me by emailing a list of your least/most favorite beards at or in the comment box below. I have also started a discussion on Facebook. Maybe we can solve this problem once and for all.

Cheers - Jason


  1. Jeff Bridges rocks the nasty-drunken-polyester-wearin' old school country singer beard in Crazy Heart.

    A bad beard to me is like using the word "frak" - we all know what your going for, so just do it right!

  2. Does Cesar Romeros painted white mustache as the Joker count? Also, have you ever thought that mustache is really...Must Ache? (And if you are totally high right now...i just blew yer mind)